Is It My Fault?
by PoisonousRedApples
Summary: A death in Storybrooke tears Emma apart, and she blames herself for what happened. She seeks help from Dr. Hopper and realizes something in the process. Eventual Swan Queen. Pre-curse breaking. Dark.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hey guys I told myself I was only gonna post one story at a time but this popped into my head at around 3am this morning and I just had to share. Please be prepared to cry.**

_Flashbacks are in italics._

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately own nothing.**

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**Chapter 1**

"Do you want to try and talk about it again, Emma? It could really help you come to terms with what happened that night."

Emma was sitting on the couch in Dr. Hopper's office, a mascara-stained wad of tissues in her hand. She had been coming to see him for the past month, and so far the visits had done nothing to help her cope with the accident. _At this point, I doubt anyone could help me._

Emma sighed. "Um, ok- ok I think I can."

She had tried every day for the past four weeks to fully tell him what happened, but every time she got close to the actual moment of impact, she broke down and couldn't speak anymore. She hadn't cried that much in a long time.

_"_It was kind of stormy out that night, cuz it was winter. I was driving to the mayor's house from Granny's diner. I was late bringing Henry home from our weekly dinner, and the storm was making it even harder to get there. All I could think about was what Regina would say when we finally got home. She had been more strict about me spending time with Henry ever since she thought that I would try to- to take him away from her."

She began to choke up, and Archie walked over to her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder before sitting down beside her and pulling her in for a hug. "Take a minute if you need to, think back a little bit, and we'll keep going when you're ready."

Emma nodded and took a deep breath.

_"Mom? Hey, mom. Look, it's gonna be ok. You can just tell her that the roads were bad, or that the diner was packed or something. She won't be mad, I promise." Henry looked up at her innocently, giving her a reassuring smile._

_"I wish that was true kid, but we both know your mom, and we know that she's gonna be furious with me, and making up excuses will only make it worse." As if on cue, Emma's cell phone began to ring, and she wrestled it out of her pocket to find the name Regina Mills bright on the backlit screen. Showing it to Henry, she grimaced. "Here goes nothing, kid."_

"Regina called me to ask where we were...well, it was more like she called to demand that I bring her son back home immediately."

_"Hello?"_

_"Miss Swan" came the voice on the other end. "Do you have _any _idea what time it is? Henry was supposed to be in bed over an hour ago!"_

_"Regina, I know, look, I'm sorry, the diner was really crowded tonight and-"_

_"No! Stop making excuses! You're lucky I let you spend unsupervised time with him at all anymore!"_

"She was really upset because it was after Henry's bedtime. She was yelling, and I was trying to calm her down."

_"Look, we'll be there as soon as we can. The roads are really bad, I can barely see out my windshield and I'm just trying to drive carefully."_

_"Ok- ok, just be careful."_

_"I will."_

_"And Miss Swan?"_

_The silence became uncomfortable, and Emma could hear her sigh on the other end. "I apologize for yelling at you. I know you're doing the best you can."_

_Emma exhaled, relieved she wasn't going to have her head chewed off as soon as they got home. "It's alright. We'll see you soon."_

"After I got off the phone, I tried to focus on driving. The storm was really picking up, and even with my headlights on it was really hard to see the road in front of me. I just wanted to make sure Henry got home safely."

_"Well the good news is she doesn't sound too mad. I think we're in the clear, kid." She turned to her son, grinning at him. "Now if only this damn weather would clear up, we'd be good." Realizing her mistake, she looked at Henry with wide eyes. "It's ok," he said, "I won't rat you out to mom."_

"I took my eye off the road for a second. Just a second, Archie! And when I looked back, there it was, just flying towards us with no warning."

_The car appeared out of nowhere, headlights boring down on the ancient yellow VW beetle. Emma reached out and put her arm in front of Henry protectively while trying to maneuver out of the oncoming car's path. _

"I reacted too late. If I had just kept my eyes on the road, I could have- I could have- oh god Archie..." Emma broke down and began to cry once again.

_The car hit with an unexpected amount of force, and the two came to a stop in the middle of the intersection. No one else should have been out driving, people had been ordered to stay inside unless absolutely necessary, but Regina had wanted her son home by a certain time, and Emma was going to make sure that would happen._

_The car smashed straight into the front right side of the VW, completely caving it in and causing the entire wreck to spin out of control. When they finally came to a stop, Emma sat up, holding her head. She had hit it on the dash - her driver's side air bags hadn't worked for the longest time, but the passenger side did, which was the only reason she took Henry in this car - and the wound was now bleeding profusely, getting into her eyes and causing her vision to blur. "H- Henry?" she managed to choke out. _

"After we came to a stop, I kept calling his name, but he wasn't answering. I could hear the ambulances off in the distance, and I managed to get out of the car and stumble around to the other side. But the door was jammed- I couldn't open it at all. The paramedics found me banging on the passenger side door of my car, screaming Henry's name and crying. He just wasn't responding."

_The paramedics were finally able to pull Henry from the car window and lay him down on a stretcher. One of them, a man, said, "I can't get a pulse. We need to get him to the hospital right now."_

"When I heard them say he had no pulse, I lost it. I couldn't hold it together anymore. I screamed. I started shaking him, begging him to wake up. But he wouldn't wake up Archie, he just wouldn't wake up..."

_The paramedic held Emma back as Henry was loaded into the back of the ambulance. She struggled and fought as he wrapped his arms around her until, finally, she collapsed into his arms and began to sob. _

"I should have payed more attention. I should have been more responsible and brought him home before the storm got bad. It's all my fault Archie, it's all my fault!"

Emma collapsed against his shoulder and began to cry once again. "Emma, that's not true-"

"Yes it is! Don't you tell me it's not because it is! It's my fault and I hate myself now!"

"Emma..."

"I killed him! I killed my own son! How can you say that's not my fault?"

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**You can't say I didn't warn you. It's only going to get darker from here. Sorry!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: so there you go guys. That's how Regina feels about all this. I'm sorry to break you guys up over this, because I know some of my reviewers were hoping that Regina would come and make it all better, but every relationship has its rough patches, right? **

**And sorry about the wait. I had a very impatient anon *ahem* (you know who you are) begging me for an update ASAP.**

**Disclaimer in chapter 1.**

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**Chapter 2**

_-__one month earlier-_

Mary Margaret looked at her friend who was perched on the couch, nursing a now-cold cup of tea. In the month following the accident, Emma had lost 25 pounds, maybe showered once a week, and had barely spoken a word to anyone other than to say "I'm fine" when she was clearly not. She looked sick, haunted, like the life had been taken from her eyes and there was no bringing it back. Besides looking gauntly thin, there were dark circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep, and she looked like she could break at any second at the slightest touch.

"Emma?" she asked carefully, not wanting to startle the blonde. "Emma, you need to eat something. I made burgers if you want one, your favorite!"

Emma continued to stare off into the distance, never even looking up when her roommate said her name. Panicking, the brunette walked over to the couch and sat down beside the former sheriff, taking the cup of tea from her hands and setting on the table next to them before placing her hand on the woman's back, rubbing her thumb in slow, soothing circles.

"Emma, I think you need to go see Dr. Hopper. He can really help you, and I think-"

"I don't need help!" Emma yelled, standing up suddenly. "There's nothing wrong with me! The only thing that's _wrong _right now is that I fucked up. Big time. I killed my son and Regina hates me and I'm useless at everything I do now! So I don't think it's help I need, I think maybe I just need to _die_, and maybe it would be better for everyone!"

Mary's mouth dropped open in shock. "Emma Swan, you _do not _mean that!"

"Yes I do." Emma said as she sat back down and covered her face with her hands. "I do. I want to die. If I died, I wouldn't feel anything anymore. And everyone would probably be happier with me gone."

The teacher shook her head. "That's not true. No matter what you're feeling, there's always another way out. And we would _not _be happier with you gone. We need you Emma, no matter what, you're a part of our town now, and losing you would hurt everyone more than it would help you."

"Regina doesn't see it that way..."

_It was after 10pm when she finally regained her composure enough to call Regina. She had asked Dr. Whale if she could borrow his phone, and quickly made her way to the stairwell to make her call. It was obvious the brunette had been waiting by the phone - she answered before the first ring had subsided."Hello?" _

_Her voice came through the receiver, clear and composed, but Emma could hear the tense frustration in her voice. "Regina" was all Emma could manage before she choked up again. _

_Regina's voice immediately filled with venom. "Miss Swan, where the _hell _is my son? You should have been here three hours ago, and the weather has cleared now, so don't give me some bullshit excuse about the road-"_

_Emma pulled the phone away from her ear, using her other hand to stifle a sob. She had told herself that she would be the one to break the news, but she couldn't do it. Dr. Whale, seeing her distress, walked over to the stairs, grabbed the phone from the disgruntled sheriff's hands, and motioned for her to follow him into an exam room. When he shut the door, he placed the phone on speaker, only to find that the mayor had been yelling the entire time._

_"-you, Miss Swan, are as terrible as an irresponsible teenager. In fact, I'd say you still are one-" Emma looked at the phone, a pained look in her eyes, but Whale put a finger to his lips, motioning for her to be silent. Putting on a professional tone, he said simply, "Madame Mayor?"_

_"Whale. Where on earth has Miss Swan gone? I do not remember inviting you into this conversation and I _certainly _was not done scolding Miss Swan for her terrible lack of responsibility whilst my son is in her care-"_

_"Regina!"_

_The use of the mayor's first name and the tone in his voice shocked both women, causing Regina to fall silent and Emma to look up from her shocked state. "We need to talk about Henry. Your son, he is...I'm so sorry Regina."_

_Everything went silent, and for a moment it was like time had stopped. Then a barely audible choked sob filled the room, and Emma looked down to realize it had come from the phone in Whale's hands. Then a pained request came through the speakers. "Let me speak to Miss Swan. Privately."_

_Whale looked at Emma, who nodded and picked up the phone, turning it off speakerphone and pulling to her ear gently. "Regina-"_

_"Shut up." The mayor was beginning to lash out again, and there was no stopping her this time. "How could you let this happen? He was in your care Miss Swan, your care! And now he is dead and you are here. You should have died instead of him. This is all your fault."_

_"I know Regina, believe me, and if I could trade places with him I would in a heartbeat. I'm so sorry. I know saying that won't help or ever change anything. But-"_

_"I wish you were dead" came the cold voice._

_Emma stopped, hurt that the mayor had said such a thing to her._

_"I know," she said mournfully. "I wish I was too."_

_"Don't ever speak to me again Miss Swan, do you hear? You are not to call, text, email, show up unannounced or even _look me in the eye when we are near each other_. I hate you and I never want to see you again, is that clear?"_

"Emma? Emma, hey, what's happening? Why are you crying?"

Ripped back to the present by her roommate's voice, Emma wiped the tears from her eyes quickly and said, "She wanted me dead, Mary Margaret. She told me so herself, when I called her that night. She told me that she wished I was dead, and that she never wanted to see or hear from me again. She hates me, and that's never going to change."

Shaking her head, the brunette placed her hand on the shaken blonde's. "She was just hurt, and grieving. She didn't mean anything she said, she wasn't even thinking straight! She was just broken up over the loss of her son and lashed out."

"Yeah, a loss that _I _caused." Emma said bitterly. "I'm going to go sleep for a while. I'll probably be down later."

Mary Margaret watched as her friend trudged up the stairs, looking broken and close to giving up. _I have to get her some help_, she thought, _before she does something to hurt herself._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews, they're really helping move this whole process along. Just a warning, my week is turning into a living hell so I'm not entirely sure when Chapter 4 will be up, but keep your eyes open, and keep reviewing!**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

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**Chapter 3**

_-one month later-_

Once Emma had regained her composure, Archie stood up and went to his desk to make a phone call. The phone rang twice before a voice picked up "_Hello?_"

"Mary Margaret? It's Archie."

The woman sounded relieved to hear his voice. "_Archie. How is she doing?_"

"Not well I'm afraid. We made some progress and she finally told me everything that happened that night, but-"

"_But that's good, isn't it? She's coming to terms with what happened?_" The hopefulness in her voice made the doctor cringe, and what he had to say next only pained him more. "No. She thinks she's the reason Henry is dead. She blames herself, says she killed him. She's completely convinced herself of it too, and I'm not sure how long it will take for her to realize that's not true, but until then I think we need to put her on suicide watch. She's- damaged, Mary Margaret. And depressed."

"_So prescribe something to her and make her realize its not her fault. She has to see that Archie, and she's not going to take it from me. And I refuse to believe that Emma is capable of suicide. It's just not like her._"

"I'm afraid it's not that simple. This isn't the kind of depression that can be cured with drugs. I'm sorry, I know there's no easy way to say this, but all the signs are there. In order to bring her out of this, we need someone who can convince her that what happened isn't her fault, someone it would mean something coming from."

The silence hung in the air for a moment before the woman replied, "_We need Regina._"

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Across town, the Mayor of Storybrooke was working. Not on paperwork, or taxes, but a scrapbook, full of memories of her son. She had taken up scrapbooking soon after she adopted Henry, finding it was her favorite way of preserving their memories together.

_Henry._ Regina sniffed, feeling a lone tear rolling down her cheek, but couldn't bring herself to move fast enough to wipe it away before it reached her chin and dripped onto the page. _I still can't believe he's gone._

Regina found herself losing track of time as she flipped through the book, hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of her little boy's smiling face staring back up at her. Memories from when he was a baby to pictures taken only days before the accident sent her mind whirling.

_Henry came bounding through the door, leaving it wide open for the sheriff to follow, that goofy grin plastered to her face. "Mom!" he yelled as he dropped his backpack on the floor._

_Regina looked up quickly from her glass of cider, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips at the sound of her son's voice. "I'm in the kitchen, Henry" she called to him. He bounded in and gave her a hug, squeezing her tightly. However her joy faded when she saw the obnoxious blonde walk in behind him, her muddy boots tracking across the recently cleaned floors. "Miss Swan" she said matter-of-factly, as though she was hardly surprised the sheriff was still here. "I would appreciate it if you would remove your shoes if you plan on coming into my home, I just had the floors cleaned."_

_Emma looked down at her boots, clearly flustered. "I apologize, Madame Mayor, I wasn't planning on staying, I simply wanted to make sure Henry got in alright." She turned to leave before Henry called her name, raising his eyebrows hintingly and saying "Aren't you forgetting something?"_

_"Oh!" the sheriff exclaimed before reaching into her pocket and pulling out a strip of paper, which Regina recognized to be a photo booth strip. She glanced at it curiously._

_There were four panels on the strip, and they were of her son and the blonde. The first showed them smiling their big, goofy smiles. _God they even have the same smile, _she thought dismally as she gazed down at the pair. The second and third were of them making funny faces, laughing, putting bunny ears on each other, but the fourth stopped the mayor dead in her tracks. _

_Emma was placing a kiss on top of Henry's now-ruffled hair, a content smile on her face and her eyes closed peacefully. Her son looked up at her, rolling his eyes, but the look on his face was...loving,_ _a look he never gave her anymore. Sure, she was his mother and he was always happy to see her, but Emma was his _biological _mother, something Regina could never truly share with the boy._

_Nodding at the sheriff politely, Regina simply said "Thank you for bringing him home safely, Miss Swan."_

_"Bye Emma!" Henry yelled with a large smile on his face, that loving look entering his eyes once again._

Regina held that picture in her hand mow, and for a moment she was overcome with an urge to rip the picture into shreds, tear Emma's face apart and throw it into the fire. _Emma...the woman who was responsible for my poor son's death._

But was she really? Could Miss Emma Swan really be blamed for what the official investigation - which was ran by Sidney Glass, who had taken over for Emma after the incident - ruled an accident, an error on the part of the other driver?

After two months of wishing the sheriff had died in the car crash too, Regina was finally starting to see reason. She had blamed Emma for so long that she never stopped to think about what the other woman was going through herself. She hadn't seen her once since the day she came to pick Henry up for their dinner outing, nor had she spoken to her. It seemed Emma Swan had held up her end of the request Regina had given her that night, but what did she want in return?

_Oh god, Regina stop it, she's not Gold. She actually has feelings, and this must be hurting her too._

She had never stopped to consider that. She never thought about the fact that Emma could be completely torn up over the incident, and she herself could be to blame for making it worse. Taking a deep breath, she picked up her phone and dialed the number to Emma and Mary Margaret's loft. _It was time to apologize_, she decided.

The line picked up almost immediately. "_Hello?_"

"Miss Blanchard, hello. I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering- is it ok if I speak to Emma for a minute?"

"_Reg- Madame Mayor, oh thank god! I was just about to call you!_"

_Huh?_ was all Regina could think as she processed the other woman's words.

"_Listen, Regina, I know you hate Emma and all, and you blame her for what happened, but we need you. _Emma_ needs you._"

Regina breathed a sigh of relief, hoping this could be her chance to make things right. "What can I do?"

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**A/N: there you go anon, did that make you happy? A little piece of Regina's POV. There will be more to come, I promise.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: sorry for the long wait, like I said my week was hell. I'm trying to get my other story updated by the end of the night too, but I just don't feel like it's quite ready yet. I'll keep working though...maybe I can even get another chapter up by tomorrow night! Hopefully you'll enjoy this enough not to be mad at me for the wait.**

**Oh and to the anon that asked for a scene where Emma tells MM that Henry died, I'll get to that in the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

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**Chapter 4**

Emma opened the front door and looked around cautiously, hoping she could sneak past Mary Margaret and go lay down for a while. After basically spilling her soul to Archie, she was exhausted, and the lash thing she wanted to do right now was think any more about what had happened over the past two months.

Removing her boots quietly, the blonde tiptoed as carefully as she could towards her bedroom door. As she went past the stairs, Mary Margaret's voice floated down to her, and Emma stopped, curious.

"_Listen, Regina, I know you hate Emma and all, and you blame her for what happened, but we need you. _Emma_ needs you._"

Emma stood frozen to the spot, shocked by what she was hearing, not to mention hurt. _Why would Mary Margaret _do _that? Why would she call the one person in this town that's hurt me more than anyone else and ask her to _help me_?"_

Furious, Emma stormed towards her bedroom and went inside, flinging her shoes into the wall and slamming the door closed to announce her arrival. Letting out a frustrated sigh, the blonde fell back on the bed, closing her eyes, and allowed the soft sheets to absorb all the tension from her trying day.

* * *

"Oh shit, Emma's home. Can I call you back later and we'll discuss a plan?"

The disappointment in Regina's voice was painstakingly evident. "_Oh...ok sure. That's fine. I'll be by the phone all day._"

Hanging up, Mary Margaret walked downstairs, nervously wringing her hands. "Emma?" she called softly as she headed towards the blonde's closed door. "Are you alright? How was your session with Archie." _Maybe she didn't hear me. I'll just play dumb and pretend I don't know anything. That should work._

"Go away" came the weary voice from inside. "I'm done talking. I just need to sleep."

Worried, the brunette shook her head. "Can I come in for a minute?"

"Noooo" came Emma's whine through the door. "I'm tired, MM, I just need to sleep for a while."

"That's not good enough. I'm coming in, make sure you have some pants on."

When she walked in, the brunette found Emma lying on the bed, facing away from the door, but even then she could see that her roommate was crying. The silent sobs that now wracked her body were unmistakeable.

"Emma." Mary Margaret sat down on the bed, placing her hand on the blonde's shoulder. Emma tensed, moving away from her roommates' touch. Before she could wriggle out of the smaller woman's grasp, Mary Margaret turned her just enough to look into those tired, bloodshot green eyes. "What happened today?"

Emma rolled over to face her roommate, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I told him everything" she whispered softly. "I told him what happened, I told him about the conversation with Regina, I told him I was sorry for what I did, and he just- it's not helping me to go see him" she told the brunette sadly. "No one can really help me. Let's just face the facts, it's all my fault, Henry's dead, and there's no way to bring him back. I've fucked up everything in my life. Henry was the one thing that I actually did right in this world, and now he's dead, and it's because of me."

Mary Margaret sat for a moment, running her fingers through the blonde's hair in an attempt to comfort her. Finally, she sat up straight and said, "I think I know what might help. Give me the keys to your bug and give me a minute to make a phone call. Be ready in 5 minutes, and we're going out."

The excited look on her roommate's face told Emma everything she needed to know. _Oh god, she's dragging me to see Regina. _"No." Emma said forcefully as the small woman moved to exit the room. "I'm not going anywhere. Stop trying to help me. I don't want help."

"Yes, but Emma, you _need _help. Now get your lazy ass off that bed and let's go, or we'll be late. With that, her roommate exited, leaving Emma to groan and roll off the bed, heading for the bathroom to freshen up before going out.

Mary Margaret ran upstairs and grabbed her phone. Redialing the last number, she waited impatiently as the phone rang twice before a voice on the other end picked up. "_Hello?_"

"Regina? It's Mary Margaret. Can we meet now? At Granny's diner in, say...10 minutes? I managed to get Emma moving so please be there waiting for us."

Regina nodded, moving quickly to grab her keys. "I'll be there waiting."

* * *

Exactly 10 minutes later, Emma and Mary Margaret walked into the small diner to find it almost completely empty. Looking around, the brunette scanned the booths for the mayor until she found her tucked away in the corner, facing away from the door.

"Go sit over there, Emma." Mary Margaret said, pointing to the booth. "I'll be over in a minute."

She waited until Emma had made her way partly over to the table before turning quickly and running out, leaving the blonde to fend for herself.

Emma walked over to the booth and sat down, pausing only when she realized who was sitting across from her. "Regina?" she asked nervously.

"Emma." The mayor smiled, looking - _relieved, what what the hell is going on here?_ - to see her. "Um, how are you doing?" she asked timidly. Emma just shook her head and stood up, ready to leave.

"Wait!" Regina called quickly. "Can you just stay for a minute? I need to talk to you."

Emma hesitantly nodded, sitting back down, curious to hear what the woman across from her had to say.

* * *

Regina sat, looking down at her napkin. The silence that filled the booth was countered only by the noises of the kitchen. After sitting awkwardly for about 10 minutes before Emma finally broke the silence. "So, why Granny's?" she asked, looking around suspiciously. The little diner wasn't very crowded, but it was still public, and apart from going to her sessions with Archie, Emma had avoided going out in public as much as possible since the accident.

"Honestly, I don't know." Regina replied with a hint of nervousness in her voice. "Mary Margaret thought it would be a good idea, I guess."

"Hmm" Emma mused, looking down at her menu to avoid having to make eye contact. The awkward silence hung thick in the air like smoke between the two women, and was only momentarily broken when Ruby came bounding over to take their order. "Emma!"

"Hey Rubes." Emma said with a small sad smile. Regina glanced up at the waitress, who took the hint and collected their orders quickly, leaving with a small comforting squeeze to Emma's shoulder.

The silence returned, and the pair played with their drinks and the edges of the table cloth for a moment before Emma finally broke it. "Can I ask you something?"

Regina nodded, unable to fully form the words necessary for her to express what she was feeling.

"Why would you help me?"

Regina coughed. "Why wouldn't I help you?"

"Because Mary Margaret called you, and you don't like her. We're talking about me, so you automatically wouldn't want anything to do with it. So why did you agree to help me? And what exactly do they expect _you_ to do for me that some drugs can't?" At this point, Emma was sneering, her words digging into Regina like needles.

"I- I actually called her. She just brought it up. Emma, I- I want to forgive you."

"_Forgive me?_ Ha!" The brunette flinched at Emma's tone, instantly regretting ever opening her mouth. "_You_ are going to forgive _me_? Oh that's funny, Regina, that's really funny. Maybe you were a little confused, but _you _were the one who broke me. You were the one who blamed me for Henry's death, so much that I actually started believing it. You're the reason I'm on these meds, the reason I spend an hour every other day in a therapist's office to try and fix whatever the hell is wrong with me. And it's all thanks to you."

"...I never meant to hurt you, Emma. I was- angry at you for letting Henry die, and I blamed you because you were the one who was there. You were with him when it happened. I never meant what I said about me never wanting to see you again. I just needed time to heal."

"Yeah this is bullshit. I'm out of here." Emma stood up and walked out, and Regina followed, desperate to catch up and explain. Once they were outside, the mayor grabbed Emma's wrist, forcing her to stop. "Emma, just wait for a second."

Emma ripped her arm and away but stood where she was, eyebrows raised expectantly. "I really do want to help you. I do, I'm just trying to figure out what the best way to do that is right now. And I- I'm sorry, Emma. I'm so sorry for making you like this. I wish you would tell me how I could help so I can fix this mess I've made."

Emma shook her head. "You can't help me anymore. No one can. I'm beyond saving." With that, the blonde turned on her heel and walked towards her car, but stopped and turned back around to say, "I didn't let him die. I just couldn't save him."

Regina stood on the sidewalk, speechless, her mouth open in shock and was surprised to find tears running down her face. That hadn't gone at all like she'd expected. Emma was much worse than she thought, and it was apparent to her now that it was all her fault.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually enjoyed writing this chapter. It's sad, but I love it. This fic is my baby and I never want it to end, but I'm just warning you guys now that it's not going to go on for much longer. Take that as you will.**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

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**Chapter 5**

"_I just couldn't save him._" Those five words haunted Regina for the rest of the day. That, and the look of pure pain on Emma's face told her all she needed to know.

Emma was broken. It was mostly her fault, now that they had both come to terms with Henry's death. The fact that she blamed this woman and accused her of killing their son made her worse. And lastly, she was truly a terrible person who needed to be more careful what she said to other people.

As she was about to turn out the lights in her office, she noticed a small envelope sitting against the stack of files that had _definitely _not been there when she came back from seeing Emma. _Or, at least, I don't think it was..._

Picking the envelope up, the mayor regarded it curiously. Deciding to open it here in case it contained information related to work, she used her letter opener and slit open the top to find what looked like the copy of a file page inside. Unfolding it, she gasped at the writing in the corner of the page, standing out in big bold letters.

**Patient: Swan, Emma**

_Is this...Emma's file from Dr. Hopper's office? How did a copy of it get here? And who would give this to me?_

Then it hit her. For a minute, Regina had gotten up to use the bathroom. She had heard a noise, but assumed it was only her tree hitting the window outside. Someone had been in here, and whoever it was clearly cared about Emma enough to slip this to her, but was too afraid to give it to her face-to-face.

_Well, that narrows it down to basically the whole town_, she thought bitterly as she clutched the paper between her hands, contemplating whether or not she should read it, even though someone clearly went through the trouble and thought it was important. Taking a deep breath, she scanned over the page carefully, looking for anything that could possibly help her help Emma.

In the file, there were detailed notes which Dr. Hopper had taken during her sessions, and they all seemed to have a resounding theme. Emma had been going to therapy for a month now, and up until yesterday, she was not able to speak of the accident. She was upset because she believed that she had killed her own son, and Archie's notes stated that her reasoning behind that was none other than Mayor Regina Mills.

_I- I'm the reason Emma thinks she's killed Henry?_ Shocked, she read on.

Regina blamed Emma for Henry's death, and that led to her decline. In one of her sessions, only a week after she had started seeing the doctor, Hopper's notes suggested that Emma had liked Regina, not in a friendship way, but as something more, and the fact that the one person she felt truly comfortable around was now blaming her for something that clearly wasn't her fault had driven her over the edge.

_Emma...likes me?_

Unable to read any more, Regina set down the paper and tried to calm her breathing. _It really is all my fault!_

After sitting in the silence of her office for a few moments more, the mayor remembered something she had seen on the bottom of Henry's file while he was still alive. A mental status box, where the doctor was meant to write the current prognosis. Scared to look down, Regina's worst fears were confirmed when she read those three words in the doctor's terrible handwriting. Squeezing the paper tightly in her fist, she quickly grabbed her coat and keys and left her office, intending to drive to Mary Margaret's apartment and confront Emma, although at this point she was not sure what to say.

Sitting in her car, Regina kept glancing down at the paper on the seat next to her, and her blood ran cold each time and her breathing increased.

_Extreme suicide risk. _Those three little words were burnt into her brain, seared behind her eyes in the doctor's messy scrawl, and nothing she did could erase them. Emma was a suicide risk, and it was all her fault. Someone probably put this on her desk so she would know that, and she would realize how much of a mistake she had made. Maybe they were trying to make her feel guilty, maybe they actually wanted her to help the blonde, but either way she was going to try.

* * *

Emma came storming through the door, making a beeline for the bathroom and making sure to lock that door when she got inside. Her whole day had been ruined by her roommate trying to get her to talk to the very woman who had been the root cause of all her pain these last two months, besides losing Henry.

When she had first been diagnosed as a suicide risk by Archie - she knew because she watched him write it down - she had laughed. _I'm fine_, she told herself. But after a while she began to realize it wasn't true. She was thinking about things that never would have entered her head, she had stopped eating and talking to people, and began self-harming. She had disconnected from everyone in her life, and she spent most of her days wishing she could die and most of her nights crying herself to sleep, wishing she could just not wake up the next day.

Pulling the little box from behind the toilet, Emma opened it and breathed a sigh of relief, thanking whoever was watching over her that her roommate had not found her blades. She had begun to rely on them as her other source of therapy, a way to let to of all the pain, and she feared that if she lost that option, she would just give up.

As the blade dragged across her skin, she heard a knock on the door. "Emma?" Mary Margaret's voice reached through the door, and she breathed a heavy sigh. "How was lunch with Regina? Did you two talk?"

"Go away." Emma said hoarsely. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Emma, I was only trying to help. Seriously, I was. Now come on, open the door and let's talk."

"No."

"Emma-" Mary Margaret's tone turned frustrated, but before she could say any more, a loud knock sounded at the front door, and Emma breathed a sigh of relief. _Saved by that damn door again._

She heard her roommate's footsteps slowly become quieter as she walked to the front door. She heard a creak, and then, "Madame Mayor? Is everything alright?"

"No, everything is most certainly not alright." Regina sounded agitated, as though something was really bothering her. "I need to discuss something with you, _now_."

"Oh- ok." Emma cracked the door and watched as Regina entered and sat down at the dinner table, a crumpled piece of paper in her hands. _Shit, is that-?_

"Have you seen this?" the mayor asked, placing the paper in front of the smaller woman. "This is Emma's file from Dr. Hopper's office. But, I don't understand, how did you get a copy."

"I don't know, it was left on my desk sometime during the day. I was hoping you could help me understand something." As she said this, the mayor pointed to the one box Emma had hoped she hadn't seen. Per her request, details more personal about her state of mind had not been released to her roommate for fear of a certain reaction, and judging by the look on the woman's face, she had made the right call.

"Emma!"

Emma quickly hid her knives and washed the blood from her hands, pretending she had just gone to the bathroom. "Emma we need to talk, now."

The blonde came out of the bathroom sheepishly, pulling the sleeves of her sweater down and hanging her head in front of the two women in front of her. "So..."

"Emma why didn't you tell me about this? I could have tried to help you!"

"Oh god, MM, I've told you a hundred times, I _don't need help._" Emma hissed.

"But Emma, you do." Regina interjected, hoping to get the blonde to see reason. The way the brunette was looking at her told Emma that she had seen the rest of the file, and she knew about the blonde's feelings for her. "I mean, do you see what he has you classified as? An-"

"Extreme suicide risk, yeah I know." Emma said, using air quotes to emphasize her point. "I'm fine, and right now I'm going out for a walk, so if you two would please _excuse me_."

Emma exited timidly, praying she wouldn't have to face another argument from either of the woman sitting at the dinner table. Fortunately for her, her words had shocked the two into silence, and she left without a fuss.

Once the door was closed, Regina and Mary Margaret shared a look. "She's not going for a walk, is she?"

"No, she has her keys, she's driving somewhere."

"Ok, you go get the car started. I'm going to stay and look around for a clue as to where she might have gone."

Mary Margaret nodded, eyeing the mayor suspiciously but not wanting to argue at a time like this. She stood and left, shutting the front door quietly behind her.

Panicking, Regina looked around for any indication of where the blonde might have gone. As she was about to give up, she noticed a piece of crumpled paper on the ground by the bathroom door, where Emma had appeared only minutes before when she had come to check on the woman. Smoothing it out, she gasped as she read it over.

After crumpling the paper up and shoving it in her coat pocket, the brunette pulled out her phone and dialed Mary Margaret's cell. "Start the car. I know where she is. And we have to go, now."

* * *

**A/N: so I'm thinking I'll either have the note as one chapter and then continue the story or maybe I'll just combine the two. I want to drag it out because I really don't want this to end, it's too painful for me. But let me know what you think I should do, I have to keep my readers happy!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: the rain was falling last night when I wrote this. Perfect weather for such a sad story.**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_Dear Regina,_

_If you're reading this, it means you've found me, and I'm gone. At this point, I'm not sure whether to say sorry for that or congratulate you._

_I went to find Henry, in case you were wondering why. I've never been much of a spiritual person, and I've never really believed in the whole heaven and hell thing, but if anyone deserves to be in heaven, it's our beautiful baby boy Henry._

_I decided to write this letter to you because, well, I guess I don't really have anyone else to write it to. I mean, Mary Margaret is my roommate, and my friend, but besides that I don't have much else to say to her. Don't tell her that though, she'll cry for days and say that maybe if she had been a better friend, this wouldn't have happened, which isn't true. I don't want her to blame herself for something she has no control over._

_As for Ruby, I mean we're friends, but we're not really that close. She brings me cocoa and bear claws in the morning, we spend lots of time chatting in the diner, and we've hung out a couple of times, but again, we're not close. And writing a goodbye letter to your therapist is just plain awkward, so that's not going to happen._

_And that just leaves you, Mayor Mills. I know to most people it probably wouldn't make sense for me to address this to you, but then again no one in this town really knows me very well. Now that I think about it, no one I've really ever known actually _knows _me. I guess those are the walls, you know I've put them up since I was little. The foster care system taught me that one._

_I guess there is a reason for me to write this to you. I was planning on not giving you one, but seeing as I won't be around to explain later if you're confused, I figure I'd better clarify a few things._

_One: It is my fault what happened. Feel free to blame me for it. In fact, I kind of want you to blame me for it, because then all the pain and guilt that sits unnecessarily on your beautiful shoulders will be lifted, or at least lessened. I hate seeing you like that, with that sad scowl on your face, your forehead lines prominent as the pain took over your flawless features once again. And I know I'm the only one who sees it too - everyone else thinks you're just being yourself, the strong, emotionless warrior of a woman that runs our sleepy little town. But you have to learn to let it out every once in a while, or you'll become like me. I can't watch you do that, Gina._

_Two: Henry never hated you. I know he said he did, multiple times, but it's not true. You were his mother, and you always will be, even though he's gone too. He looked at you in a way he could never look at me - a way that said "you know things something only a mother could know, things Emma could never understand" - but you didn't always see it. He cherished you, way more than he could me. Yeah, I'm his biological mother and meeting me after 10 years is certainly exciting, but that would have worn off eventually, and the fact that I knew absolutely nothing about the first 10 years of his life would have made him run back to you in an effort to keep that special connection alive. I have faith it would have stayed that way if I hadn't screwed up so bad._

_Third, and the most important for me right now: I love you. I have since the day I first met you. Even though you showed absolutely no interest in me, I couldn't help but admire how beautiful you are, how dedicated you were to Henry, and your job. I learned to appreciate your raw form of humor, which was rarely used during our time together. It's sad, really, the one thing I always wanted to do was hear you laugh, really laugh. I want you to laugh like you're the happiest person alive. Hopefully someday someone special can make you do that, but it won't be me. It was never meant to be me._

_I don't really know what else to write. I don't have much to say except I'm sorry for being a pain in your ass. I'm sorry for harboring my feelings and not acting before it was too late. And most of all, I'm sorry that I ever gave you the impression that I was going to take Henry away. He always belonged in your arms, not mine, and that's why I gave him up and you adopted him - to give him a better chance, and a sense of belonging._

_I'm going to go now, I don't want to drag this out much more. I'm hoping I'll see your smiling face one time tomorrow before I go - maybe I'll even work up the courage to tell you, and this whole day could go quite differently. Ok, here goes. Here's the part where I ask you a favor. I need you to do this for me._

_Don't remember me like this, the way I am now, lying in front of you. No, I want you to remember me how I was before the accident: healthy, smiling, and a definite pain in your ass. I was much better that way. I'm sorry it had to come to this Regina. Hopefully, I'll see you in my dreams, or you'll see me in yours._

_Bye bye, baby. I'll make sure to say hi to Henry for you when I see him, and tell him you love him so, so much._

_Emma_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry I had to do that to you guys. Next chapter will be up tonight. But I need to address a couple of things before I go.**

**1. To the guest who keeps asking about the chapter about Emma telling MM what happened, again I am really sorry, I'm just trying to find the perfect place to fit it in. I can promise you it will be in one of the next two chapters.**

**2. To the people who keep saying that Regina doesn't seem broken up about Henry being dead: some people cope with death better than others, but that doesn't mean it isn't hurting them. Don't worry, Regina may be good at hiding her pain but she's not that good. You'll see that very, very soon.**

**Keep reviewing guys it really helps!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: To that anon that said I crushed them, I couldn't help but let out a bit of an evil queen laugh when I read that. I know, I'm terrible. But I'm not here to destroy your happiness, only play with your feels a little. Just keep that in mind.**

**And I know, it's technically Monday morning, but watching Cora die a few hours ago basically shut me down and made it really hard for me to finish. Lots of crying involved.**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Emma sat on the bed, taking in the boy's space. Regina had left the house unlocked when she left today, so Emma decided to come and pay a visit to her son's room. It was exactly as it had been the day he died; in fact, it looked as though Regina hadn't touched a thing. It was almost as if his memory was preserved inside that room, and he was there with her now.

_"Mary Margaret?" Emma said quietly, struggling to control her shaking voice._

_"_Emma is everything alright?_" came the sleep-laden response, "_It's like four in the morning._"_

_"No, um...I need you to come get me. Something's, uh- I-" Emma began to cry, unable to speak._

"Where are you? I'll come get you._"_

_"I'm at the hospital. I'm ok, I just-"_

"Oh, ok. Let's talk about it when I get there. Everything's going to be fine. I'll see you in 10."

_Emma hung up and buried her face in her hands, and began to cry once again. She wasn't sure if she could do this. She didn't want to talk about what happened. It hurt too much to even think about it._

_And the only thing worse than thinking about the accident was thinking about what Regina had said to her._

Emma heard a car coming down the street and froze, but breathed a sigh of relief when it kept going and the noise faded away.

_Regina came into the lobby looking disheveled and unkempt, her eyes red from crying and her hair flying in all directions. Emma hid behind the stairwell, too afraid to face the woman. Her phone beeped, signaling Mary Margaret's arrival, and she moved from her hiding place, hoping to make it to the door before the mayor saw her._

_"Miss Swan." came the cold voice, and Emma turned, bracing herself._

_"I thought you said you never wanted to see me again." the blonde said timidly, never meeting Regina's eye. Suddenly she heard the contact of skin-on-skin, her head spun and her cheek began to sting. She turned her head back, stunned, to find that the mayor was already walking away. Turning quickly and tripping over her own feet, she made her way out the door and threw herself into Mary Margaret's car, attempting to hide the tears streaming down her face._

_"Emma! My god, what happened to you?"_

_Emma's voice shook. "Regina, she- I deserved it though."_

_"Emma _what happened_? I thought you said you were going to be home fairly early from dinner with Henry, and- oh no. Something didn't happen- to Henry, did it?"_

_Emma turned to the raven-haired woman, fresh tears in her eyes, and shook her head sadly. "No..." came the response. "He isn't..." she looked into Emma's eyes, her chin quivering._

_Both women burst out crying, and Emma leaned her head on her roommate, who wrapped her arms around her tightly, pulling her close. "Oh god, Emma, I'm sorry-"_

_Her voice trailed off, and the two women sat there, crying in the hospital parking lot as the boy's body was wheeled out the back._

Emma's head snapped up, hearing the front door open. "Emma!" she heard Regina scream as two sets of feet bounded up the stairs. _Shit, Mary Margaret's here too._ "Emma!" Regina called again as they ran into Henry's room, seeing her sitting on his bed with a gun in her hand.

* * *

"Emma," Regina said cautiously, taking a step into the room, "please don't do this."

"I know you think what happened is your fault Emma, but it's not." Mary Margaret said, hoping to help the situation. Regina turned to her quickly and mouthed "go call 911," and the shorter woman complied, running off quickly to leave the two alone.

Regina walked carefully around the bed and knelt down to face Emma, her eyes shifting nervously to the gun beside her. "You don't want to do this to yourself. To Ruby, to Mary Margaret, to _me_." She searched the woman's eyes for a reaction, anything, but saw only pain and sadness. "Emma please look at me."

Emma looked up, but there was nothing in her eyes. No light, no emotion, nothing. Just an empty gaze that went right through Regina, and it scared her. It made her feel like she had already lost the woman. "I've got to do this, Gina. It'll be better for everyone."

She picked up the gun and cradled it to her chest, pulling the lever back. The sound of a bullet clicking into place made Regina jump. "Emma..." she whispered fearfully, "put the gun down."

"I can't Gina."

Regina shook her head. "Emma, no matter what you think, it's not your fault. It was an accident. You couldn't have prevented it."

"Yes I could have!" Emma yelled, waving the gun around. "It was completely my fault, and-"

"Stop that!" Regina yelled. "Please- please-" she began to cry, "stop blaming yourself. I miss him too, so, so much. And I would give anything to bring him back to us, except my own life." Putting her hand on Emma's knee, she looked into the blonde's eyes. "And taking your own life won't help anything. Besides, Henry wouldn't want you to do this."

"But Henry's not here anymore, thanks to me..." Emma whispered again.

"Look, Emma, I got your letter. I know how you feel about me. I didn't until then, but I do now. If I had known that I had such big influence on how you were doing, I never would have gotten so upset with you. This-" she gestured to the gun in Emma's shaking hand "this is all my fault. I never should have let it get this far."

"I forgive you, Emma. I never really blamed you, I was just so angry, so broken up over Henry's death, I took it out on you and I'm sorry."

They stayed there, sitting in silence for a few minutes, taking in the memories left behind by their darling little boy. Emma finally looked down at the gun in her hand, whispering so it was barely audible to Regina, "But it's still not good enough."

* * *

Mary Margaret sat downstairs, anxiously awaiting the fire department's arrival. She had called, just like Regina had asked, and they told her to wait downstairs, just because having more people trying to help can sometimes lead to something dangerous happening.

So there she sat, waiting for the sound of sirens in the distance. She was too scared to go back up there anyways, afraid of what might happen if she tried to help.

The sound of breaking glass made its way to her ears, along with Regina's terrified screams. "_Emma, no, please!_" Picking up her phone, she quickly redialed the number for the fire department and said, "This is Mary Margaret Blanchard again. Please, you have to hurry. Something's happening up there, and I don't know how to stop it!"

"_Stay calm, Ms. Blanchard, we'll be there as soon as we can._"

"Stay calm? Stay calm! I can't just stay calm! My friend is upstairs with a gun ready to _kill herself _and you're telling me to stay-"

A gunshot went off, and Mary Margaret stood, dropping the phone on the ground. "_Ma'am? Ma'am!_" came the man's voice. Running to the bottom of the stairs, she yelled up "Emma? Regina?"

When she gained no response, her voice rose in panic, and she screamed again. "Emma! Regina!"

Her feet remained frozen to the spot, and as the sirens made their way closer, all she could do was squeeze her eyes shut and hope they wouldn't be too late.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: little bit of a short chapter. I keep getting stuck, so sorry if the updates continue to come a little more spread out. Keep reviewing though, it helps out a lot!**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Lights flashed and sirens blared as the two women followed the paramedics, who were pushing a stretcher, out into the night. They trailed behind, worried looks plastered to their faces as the woman was loaded into the ambulance. Turning to them quickly, the man said, "Are you coming with us?"

Both women looked at one another, nodded, and hopped inside quickly to join amongst the jumble of medical equipment and fast-moving paramedics. The driver radioed in, warning Dr. Whale to be prepped for surgery. "Female, gunshot wound to the leg, losing a lot of blood. I think the bullet nicked something in there."

Mary Margaret turned to the paramedic who was hooking the woman up to a monitor. "Is she going to be alright?"

"She's- BFIB! Her heart's stopping! We have to stop that bleeding now!"

"BP is dropping! We're losing her!"

"Get the paddles!"

"Charging...clear!"

The three medics worked quickly, moving efficiently to save the woman's life. One placed their fingers to her neck. "No pulse. I'm going again. Charging...clear!"

"Still no response. Go again!"

Mary Margaret felt the blood drain from her face. "Save her, please!"

The ambulance screeched to a halt, and the doors were flung open by two more nurses, who pulled the stretcher from the ambulance and sped it inside. Mary Margaret ran in, pulling the other woman by the hand as their friend was taken to the OR. Turning to find tears running down the woman's face, she took her in her arms. "Shhh, it's ok, she's going to be ok." she whispered, stroking the woman's hair as she shook in her arms.

* * *

Mary Margaret awoke with a start, drenched in sweat. Looking around, she realized she was still in the chair next to the hospital bed, and stood to stretch stiffly.

_She must have gone to get coffee_, Mary Margaret thought, noticing the other woman's absence from the room.

Walking to the bed, she ran her hand over knotted tresses tenderly. "You're going to be ok. I promise. You'll make it."

Suddenly footsteps made their way to the room, and the other woman entered, carrying two cups of steaming coffee, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "Thank you." Mary Margaret said as she was handed her cup. The woman sat down next to her and nodded, a solemn look on her face. Seeing the other woman's distress, she placed her hand on sagging shoulders. "She's going to be ok, you know? This isn't your fault."

The woman set her coffee down on the table next to her before pulling her knees to her chin and sighing, wiping away smudged mascara. They sat in silence, and the woman's mind began to wander.

_"But it's still not good enough."_

_Regina looked up, hearing the blonde's whisper. Her eyes began to fill with tears again and she stood up, embarrassed. Wiping away her tears, she heard the sigh of bed springs as the blonde stood as well, the gun still in hand. Regina whirled to face her. "Emma..." she said once again, pleading, "please just put the gun down."_

_"No!" Emma yelled, and picked up one of Henry's action figures. She flung it across the room, and glass shattered everywhere as it broke a picture frame handing on the wall. Regina froze, fearful the next thing Emma threw would be the cold metal in her right hand. "Emma, please..." she whimpered fearfully._

_Emma turned to her, face streaked with tears. "I- I-" she stuttered. Regina took a step forward, hoping to remove the gun from the woman's hands. Instead she watched in horror as the woman brought the barrel to her head, and her finger began to tighten on the trigger._

"Can you hear me? Hey, it's ok, you're in a hospital." Mary Margaret stood by the bed, blocking the view of the bed. Then the short woman moved, and green eyes met brown.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" the woman asked, carefully standing up.

"Hey" came the weak response through cracked lips. "I, uh- yeah."

"Knock knock!" Dr. Whale walked in and picked up the clipboard. "So...gunshot wound to the leg, massive blood loss, three transfusions to get your count back up to normal. Jesus, you were a mess."

"Oh gee thanks" came the sarcastic response.

"Is she going to be alright?" Mary Margaret still didn't look convinced.

"Yes, she'll be fine. Just try to get some rest, ok?"

The woman nodded, and Dr. Whale left. The two women looked at each other again, and Mary Margaret took the cue, took her purse and left.

They sat silently for a few moments, just staring into each other's eyes. "Are you alright?"

"I think so. I'm more worried about you."

"Me? No I'm ok. They fixed me up, see?" The woman gestured to the mass of bandages on her leg.

The woman in the bed opened her arms wide, and the other stood and practically fell into them. "I was so worried I would lose you." Regina whispered into blonde tresses as Emma held her tight.

_Regina lunged for the gun, knowing exactly what would happen if she was too late. Her hand closed around cold metal, and the two struggled. The barrel pointed downwards, and Regina's ears were assaulted by a loud shot. She felt the blonde collapse below her, and she was left holding the gun. Seeing Emma on the ground, she threw the cold thing aside and dropped onto her knees, feeling powerless._

_"Oh god, Emma- I- we have to stop the bleeding I- Emma hang on, hang on..." She quickly tore her jacket off and pressed it against the wound, eliciting a hiss of pain from the former sheriff. "Emma- Emma! No, hey, it's ok, look in my eyes!"_

_Emma's eyes began to shut, and Regina could feel blood soaking through her thick jacket. She had hit something serious._

_"Emma!" she screamed in panic. "Emma come on! Emma stay with me please! Emma!"_

Regina nuzzled into the blonde's neck, trying to block out the bad memories.

"Well I'm here now," Emma said, "and I'll never try to leave you again. I promise."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry again for the wait, but I'm finally on break so I'm able to update all my fics and stuff so that makes me happy. Thanks for sticking with me through all of this and keep on reviewing!**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Emma felt the older woman nestle into her neck and let out a deep sigh. She had done this to Regina. She was the reason the woman she loved now had desperation written on her face and pain evident in her eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept for a couple of days, and the clothes she was wearing were the same ones from that night, only wrinkled and stained.

Regina was as broken and tired as Emma was, there was no denying that. And no matter how hard it was, Emma knew that she had to be strong for Regina, just as she needed Regina to be strong for her. In that moment, as the brunette held her close, all the feelings that had built up in the past two months went away, if only for a moment, and allowed Emma to gather her courage.

"Well I'm here now," she said, "and I'll never try to leave you again. I promise."

She wasn't sure if she meant or believed what she said, but Emma knew she had to try.

Regina pulled away, tears forming in her eyes, and Emma knew why. "You don't believe me?" she asked, hurt.

"It's just...Emma you didn't just try to leave me, you know? I mean you tried to _leave_, and I never would've been able to bring you back. Doing something like that...Emma there's no way you can just suddenly recover and promise you'll never do it again."

"I know," Emma sighed, "I know. But I can try, right?"

As if on queue, Dr. Whale entered the room with Mary Margaret following close behind. "Sorry, Regina, I'm going to have to ask you to leave for a few minutes."

Regina stood up, defensive. "Why?"

"We have some medical issues to discuss and since you're not family-"

"Neither is she!" the woman said, gesturing to Mary Margaret. "Why does she get to stay and I don't?"

"Gina, stop." Emma said calmly. "Dr. Whale, it's ok, I want her to be here for this."

The doctor hesitated a moment before speaking. "Well, alright then...Emma we need to discuss your mental health at this point. We technically cannot discharge you because you have been deemed 'mentally unfit' to live at home, even with someone else there to watch you 24/7."

"What does that mean?" Mary Margaret interjected quickly, upset she would be losing her roommate.

"It means that Emma has to complete a psych evaluation and then be admitted to a facility for mental rehabilitation. The facility that we send people to is up in Boston, and unfortunately it has a strict family-only visiting policy, so neither of you will be able to see her-"

"But that's not fair! How long will she have to be up there?" Regina stood stalk still, fists clenched, trying to control the emotions that were raging inside her. _I'm going to lose her_, she thought in a panic.

"It all depends on how her evaluation goes, but the minimum amount of time for someone with Emma's condition is six months."

Regina's heart fell. _Six months at least...I don't know if I can go without her for that long. Not after all we've been through._

"Isn't there another way?" she whispered quietly, upset.

The doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

Emma stayed quiet through the whole conversation, listening intently to what each person said. Staring into space, fear began to creep into her mind as she realized what was happening. _I have to go away. I have to go away and I won't be able to see Regina at all. At least six months...I don't know if I can do that._

The blonde looked up to see the two women following the doctor outside, and Emma strained to listen as the doctor's voice was muffled by the closing door.

"You can't seriously expect us to just let you lock her away for six months to rot in some filthy-"

"Regina, stop." Mary Margaret placed a hand on the woman's shoulder, hoping to calm her down. The brunette pulled away, scowling.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it. Procedure states that the person must be placed in a rehabilitation facility for at least six months, but that's for minor cases. Since Emma physically tried to commit suicide, chances are she'll be there from ten months to a year, depending on how the evaluation goes."

Both women stood in shock, realizing they were about to lose the blonde for that period of time rendered them completely speechless as the doctor continued to explain.

"The facility we will be sending her to is top-notch, one of the best in the country, and it has one of the highest success rates, partly due to its strict visitation rules. I know it's hard, but Emma will most likely come out of this with a new outlook on life."

Regina leaned up against the wall, her cheek against the old paint, and let out a sigh. "I can't- I don't think I can- Doctor, I can't lose her." She wiped at her eyes quickly to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

"Hey, hey it's gonna be ok. We'll be alright Regina, I promise." Mary Margaret pulled the distraught woman into her arms and held her as she began to sob uncontrollably.

* * *

_2 days later_

Emma stared blankly at the wall as the woman before her rattled off yet another pointless question which would determine how long she'd be trapped in that hellhole they called a rehab center. This entire process was, frankly, quite boring and pointless. Even if she did pass this test with flying colors, she would still be thrown in the nuthouse for a while thanks to her suicide attempt.

"Emma? Are you listening?" the woman asked, waving her hand in front of the blonde's face. "Yes. Yes I'm fine. Could you repeat the question?"

* * *

_The next day_

"Bye, Ems." Ruby clung to her friend tightly, wishing she wouldn't have to go. Because they were not family, the details of how long Emma would be in Boston were not being released, so no one who was there to say goodbye knew when they'd see her again.

Mary Margaret stepped up next, resting her chin on the blonde's shoulder. "We'll miss you, Emma. But your room'll be right here waiting for you when you get back, ok? I love you."

Emma gave her soon-to-be former roommate a sad smile as she walked away.

Now only Regina stood before her, looking into her eyes with a certain sadness she had come to recognize on her own face. She stepped forward, reaching out to take the woman's hand and squeezing it lightly. "I'll see you soon, I promise."

Regina nodded tearfully, pulling Emma in for a hug and burying her face into blonde tresses. "I'm gonna miss you," she whispered quietly, choking on her tears.

The two women stood there for forever before Dr. Whale stepped forward, placing his hand on Emma's shoulder. "It's time to go," he said, pulling her from the brunette's embrace.

Emma stared blankly ahead as the car began to roll forward, afraid to look back in case she regretted what she saw. Regina stood there, in the middle of the road, arms wrapped around her waist and tears streaming down her face as the woman she loved was driven away.

* * *

**Ok...ok so I really hate to do this because this is one of the most painful things for me to read at the end of a fic I like...but the next chapter is going to be the last. I'm so sorry. I hate to do this because I've really enjoyed this ride and I hope you have too. The final update will be up by the end of the week. I love you all so much!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: here we go, the final chapter. This has been such a great ride and I hope this one answers all your questions. Thanks so much for sticking with me!**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Six months. It had been six painful months since Emma was taken away to Boston, and the woman's absence was not getting any easier to deal with for one heartbroken Regina Mills.

These days, the brunette spent most of her time drafting letters to Emma, talking about everything from the weather and Pongo to how much she missed her and how sorry she was. After some tearful begging to Dr. Whale ad Dr. Hopper, combined with a couple of mayoral threats, she managed to convince the doctors to sneak a couple of the letters in to the woman in the hopes they would help her heal. However the two men made it quite clear that there would be no way to get a response from her, because neither internet nor paper and pens were allowed for the patients at this hospital, as part of the "treatment process." And that made the whole thing even more painful for Regina. The fact that Emma was getting these letters but she couldn't know her reaction to them was driving her completely insane.

The rest of the town seemed to have adjusted well to the loss of the beloved blonde, but not fully recovered yet. Every day, as Regina walked down the street, at least one person would approach her, comfort her, tell her Emma was in good hands, and that she'd be home soon. Nobody was really sure of that, but they had to hope.

* * *

_Nine months after Emma's departure_

The phone rang, and Regina's hand flew to answer before it could ring a second time. While the rest of the town had all but forgotten - or at least neglected to mention - Emma, Regina could not shake the optimism that grew within her each day. When she had last talked to Dr. Whale and Dr. Hopper, they said that Emma would most likely only spend ten to eleven months in Boston before being released and allowed to come home. Even though she was one to two months early, Regina spent every waking moment watching the door, listening for the phone, hoping Emma would call or walk in at any moment.

"Hello?" the mayor asked excitedly, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"_Regina? It's Archie_."

"Doctor Hopper," the brunette said quickly, unable to hide behind her usual mayoral tone which had slipped away over this past year, "is everything alright?"

"_Oh, I'd say things are better than alright. I just spoke to Emma's therapist in Boston._"

"And?" Regina asked expectantly. "Do we know when she'll be coming back yet?"

"_Yes, actually. They are estimating that, if Emma continues on the path she is going down, they may be able to release her sometime next month._"

"May be able to?"

"_Well, there's always the chance that - and please, I don't mean anything by this, I'm just being realistic - there's always the chance that she could relapse or something could go wrong with the treatment. Either way, she should be home before she ends up spending a full year up there."_

There was a small pause on the line before Regina spoke again. "Thank you so much, Doctor. For everything you've done."

"_You're welcome, Madame Mayor. Goodbye._"

The line went dead, and the brunette set down her phone with a huge smile on her face. Emma was coming home soon. _I've got to tell Mary Margaret,_ she thought excitedly. Picking up her phone, she typed out a quick text and hit send before grabbing her purse and keys and leaving her office.

**Meet me at the diner in 10**

* * *

As the younger woman entered the diner, Regina leapt up from her seat, wrapping her arms around the woman tightly. Crying out in surprise, Mary Margaret payed the brunette off and looked into her eyes. "What's going on?"

"Emma's coming back," Regina said in a hushed whisper, motioning for the smaller woman to sit down. "Doctor Hopper says she should be back sometime next month, depending on how well the final stages of her treatment go."

Ruby walked over, two menus in her hand, and once again Regina stood up and wrapped her arms around the woman excitedly, practically knocking her over in her red stiletto heels. "Madame Mayor- is everything alright?"

"Oh Ruby, she's coming home!" Regina said. "Emma's coming home soon!"

"Oh my god," Ruby said quickly, prying the woman off and sitting down next to Mary Margaret at the booth. "When?"

"Sometime next month," Mary Margaret said, "as long as the rest of her treatment goes well."

The three sat in silence for a moment, silently celebrating the fact that their friend would soon be coming home.

"Look, I know none of us are really religious here, but can we just-" and she reached out to the two. Ruby nodded, taking Regina and Mary Margaret's hands and bowing her head. The others followed suit, and in the middle of the diner, the three women held a prayer circle that everything would be alright."

* * *

_two weeks later_

"Hello, Regina. I'm glad to see you got my message."

"Yes, you wanted to see me, Doctor?" Regina regarded him with an inquisitive look, patting Pongo on the head as she sat down on the therapist's couch.

"I'm going up to see Emma tomorrow as part of protocol. She will be required to attend weekly sessions with me to make sure everything's moving in the right direction, and her current therapist wants to make sure everything is set for when she comes home."

"Yes, but do you know _when_ exactly she'll be coming back?" The suspense was killing the woman, she couldn't really bare to be away from her love for so long.

"Not yet, but the fact that they called me in means it'll be very soon, just a matter of one or two weeks now."

_Two weeks. Come on, Regina, you just have to hold out for two more weeks at most, and then she'll be home._ "Can you do something for me?"

"Yes," the doctor said.

"Can you just ask her...ask her to come see me as soon as she gets back into town. Tell her I'll be waiting by the door every second of every day until I get to see her again."

Archie smiled. "You love her, don't you?" Regina gasped. "I can see it in your eyes," he said. "The distance has only made the feeling stronger too. I think, once she gets back, that having someone like you around to love and support her will really help her get back into the lifestyle here."

He stood from his desk and made his way towards the door, grabbing Pongo's leash and his umbrella he always carried with him. "Emma is lucky to have someone like you, Regina."

* * *

_The last eleven months have been a blur. My life has been nothing but rehab, shrink visits mixed with drug-induced hazes, but I could tell from about a month in that it was making me feel better. I slowly felt happier - less helpless, more hopeful._

_The letters and the visits helped a lot, too. Even though it was family and doctors only, having someone familiar around made the whole thing more bearable. Plus the fact that Archie and Dr. Whale snuck those letters from Regina in. She's been my link to the outside world, the one to fill me in on everything that's been going on in our quiet little town. That link is the only thing that's kept me from going crazy all these months._

_The doctors told me yesterday that I could go home next week. Home. What is home anymore? Apart from the doctor's visits and Regina's few letters, I have no idea what has happened in the world while I've been locked away. I guess adjusting to all the changes will just be a part of the fun._

_Doctor Hopper came to see me today, as part of the protocol. Since he's going to be my shrink once I get back to Storybrooke, he has to be submitted to some testing as well, just to make sure his treatments will be an effective way to keep me feeling the way I do now, instead of the way I felt when I started._

_He brought me one last message from Regina. She wants me to come visit as soon as I get back into town. She says she'll be waiting by the door every second of every day until she can see me again, and that gives me hope. I wonder if she misses me as much as I've missed her?_

* * *

_one week later_

"Doctor Hopper!"

"Hi Mary Margaret, how are you?"

"I'm good, um, when did you say Emma was coming home again?"

The doctor cleared his throat. "Well, we actually need to keep this on the down low just for now, but she's actually on her way right now. She should be here in about an hour."

Mary Margaret squealed with excitement. She was finally going to get to see her best friend again. "But she actually asked me to give you a message when I talked to her this morning. She said to tell you that she was sorry, but she had to go see someone before she could come home, that there was something she had to take care of. Any idea what that might be?"

The raven-headed woman nodded. "She's probably going to see Regina."

Archie smiled, knowing what kind of reaction that would spark in the mayor. "Well alright then. I'll see you later."

The van pulled up in front of the mayoral mansion, and Emma stepped out. Her bags were to be dropped off at Mary Margaret's apartment, as instructed by Doctor Hopper, but he ordered the van to take her someplace else and drop her there.

The blonde walked up to the porch, gathering her thoughts. After eleven months of separation, she was finally going to see Regina again. As excited as she was, the thought terrified her, because she wasn't sure if she was going to get the reaction she was hoping for from the woman. Either way, just seeing the brunette would make her feel the happiest she'd ever been.

Running over everything she'd decided to say to the woman on the ride down one more time, the blonde knocked on the door, three taps that, unknown to her, sent the mayor scrambling towards the front of the house.

The door opened, and Emma threw herself forward and pressed her lips softly to the mayor's, drinking in the scent of apples. "I just wanted to say thank you. For saving me, I mean. I don't think I'd be here if it weren't for you. If you hadn't pushed that gun away, that shot would have been to my head, instead of my leg."

"Emma, I don't know what I would have done if I lost you too. I've always had trouble with trusting people, because everyone I've ever trusted, I've lost, and it's so hard to lose the people that you _really _care about. Losing someone you truly lo- um, well...it's been a reoccurring theme in my life and I don't know how much more I can take."

"I understand. I know what you're saying. And I know something else too." Emma wrapped her arms around the woman's waist loosely, drawing her close. "I love you. I love you, Regina Mills, and I'm not afraid to admit that anymore. I know it scares you - believe me, it scared me too when I first realized it - but I know it's true, and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you, if you'll have me."

Regina closed her eyes and took in a deep, shaky breath. She thought back to her first love, Daniel, and what had happened between them. _But this is different_, she thought with a smile. _Daniel wasn't my happy ending, Emma is, and I know that now. If I fight for it, it'll come true, and that's all that really matters right now. For Emma and I to both find happiness. Together._

"Regina?" The brunette opened her eyes to find Emma's green ones searching for an answer. She smiled confidently. "I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: ok I guess I lied a little bit. I actually started writing an epilogue to this before I even started this chapter, but I wasn't sure if I was actually going to put it in. I decided not to, mostly because I haven't finished it yet and I want it to be perfect. So...basically you guys get an epilogue. I think you're going to love it!**

**Shoutout to minsto21, my favorite reader/reviewer. Thank you for all your support and input!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: ok here's the epilogue I told you I had. It's super short but I thought it was the right way to end this. Hopefully you love it as much as I do, and hopefully none of the readers unfollowed this after the last chapter because I wouldn't want them to miss this.**

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1**

* * *

_one year later_

"Regina come on, I have reservations and we're going to be late!" Regina shook her head as the blonde bounded ahead towards the diner, her appetite clearly getting the best of her.

"I'm coming, Emma, I'm coming. You really don't need reservations though, I mean, it's just Granny's diner, it's never actually-" Regina cut off in shock as they walked inside. The place was packed, and practically everyone in town looked like they were there. And they were all dressed nicely. Something was definitely up.

"Emma, is there something you forgot to tell me? Everyone is here and they look so nice. Is there a party going on or something that you neglected to tell me about?" Regina had actually noticed that her girlfriend was dressed more nicely than usual as well, but had dismissed the thought until now.

"No, but," Emma looked down at her feet nervously, "I kind of made it propose to the woman you love day," she said sheepishly.

"What?" Regina asked quickly, eyes wide, unsure she had heard the blonde correctly. _Propose?_

Emma dropped down on one knee and pulled a small box out of her jacket. The entire diner went quiet as she did so, so everyone heard Regina's elated gasp as the box was opened. Inside, the ring sat, sparkling perfectly even in the dull lighting of the diner. It was sterling silver with an enormous blood-red ruby set in the center, surrounded by a ring of tiny, flawless diamonds. The whole thing was just perfect.

"Regina Mills, two years ago, you saved my life. You saw me in my time of need and you reached out to help seconds before it was too late, and it's because of you I am here today." Regina wiped a tear from her eye as her girlfriend spoke. "Being separated from you was one of the most difficult things I've ever dealt with, because it's really hard to be away from the person you're in love with.

We've been through so much together. We've known loss, we've known pain, we've known what it feels like to be helpless. But together we also found love. I fell for you, and you fell for me. Every day I look at you, and I fall all over again. You've made me the happiest I've ever been, and I want to spend every day, every hour, every minute of the rest of my life falling for you." She paused to take a short breath. "Will you marry me?"

Not a second passed before Regina spoke. "Yes," she whispered, "yes, yes, yes!" The brunette bounced up and down slightly as Emma slid the ring on to her finger and pulled her in for a long, passionate kiss. Everyone in the diner clapped, and a couple catcalls rang out as the two women held each other for dear life.

Pulling away from her fiancée's lips, Regina rested her chin on the other woman's shoulder and let out a sigh. "I love you so much, do you know that?"

Emma smiled as she wrapped her arms around Regina's waist. "I know Gina, I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: it's been fun guys, thank you so much for all your love and support. As always, let me know how I did, and feel free to check out my other fics.**

**Oh, and don't forget...**

**VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN**


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